Endangered Species Make Great Burgers!

July 7, 2007

Carl’s Jr, Sandy – Pig sty of Utah

I know… I know…

It really is getting worse. And it’s unacceptable. Eating at the Utah Carl’s Jr.s is disgusting.

A few days ago, I took my young son to the Carl’s on Highland Drive in Sandy, Utah, because he wanted to go the the Playplace. First off, it’s the lamest Playplace of any fast food chain in Utah. He and I were the only ones in the building, other than the employees. I let him run wild, and I ordered our food.

I brought the food into the Playplace and played the adult game known as, “Find the Cleanest (not ‘clean’) table.” Today’s match was the hardest yet. But we ate in there anyway.

He bounced back and forth from table to filthy play mat, and I decided that he would need a shower regardless of how much food he took home on his clothes. After I had finished, I asked him to put his shoes on. He moved slow, so I tried to help him. He began telling me to “look at the bugs,” and I notice that a large colony of ants was trying to carry my son back to the queen.

Okay… a bit of an exaggeration, but you usually don’t have ants unless you are in a dirty environment. I picked him up, and walked to the manager (who I mentioned in a previous post as ‘not giving a shit’) and informed him of his unwanted, non-paying guests.

He acted surprised and mustered up his finest ‘Manuel’ performance (Fawlty Towers). He assured me it would be taken care of.

The next day I went through the drive-thru and asked the Shift Leader if it was addressed.

“What ants?” came the predictable response.

“Nevermind,” I said.

Today I went in with my family and we had a quick bite. I was appalled by the filth under the tables as well as the tops of the tables. We were the only customers in the building for the entire visit. We won’t be returning.

I would call Carl’s Hotline, but they all recognize my voice now and it’s a little embarrassing.

Please don’t eat and this pig sty, but if you do, complain loudly regarding the condition of the restaurant. It worked for Arlo Guthrie.

April 29, 2007

Once again… Elisabeth Shue

Filed under: Carl's Jr., Corpsey, Elisabeth Shue, Utah, endangered species — meatlover @ 3:45 am

Dear Lisa,

Please let me know what type of movie role you would like to see yourself in. We are shooting a film in a small town in Utah next month, but the main actor has to portray herself as the meanest, most self-centered woman on the planet. It’s up to you, but I can’t picture you in that role.

You need to be shown as a strong actor. You have the talent. Is it a problem with the agent? My guess is kids. I do understand that well – all too well.

I can hammer out a script in no time at all, so call me.

Glastonbury

P.S.: The comments in my book and the chapter dedicated to you are not meant in a malicious way.

February 25, 2007

Carl’s Jr “actresses”

Paris Hilton? I’m still having a hard time with it. If you’re looking for babes or porn stars, I have some other suggestions:

Jenna Jameson

Elisabeth Shue

Billie Piper

Jaime Pressly

Any Victoria’s Secret model

Olivia D’Abo

Linda Fiorentino

This chick down at the Pizza Hut (don’t know her name)

The chick across the street who leaves the blinds open (not the ugly one with the rolls)

Your sister

Your momma

Oprah

Damn! Wouldn’t that be the funnest commercial? Oprah crushing – I mean – rolling around on a Bentley?

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